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I'm a writer, photographer, humorist, philosopher, and teacher based out of Northern California.

 

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Travel Tips: How to Find "Normal" Coffee in Paris

Updated: Feb 26, 2018



First, I would like to point out for me American readers (which is, like, all five of you) that if you are in the mind to enjoy a damn fine cup cup of black coffee in Paris... just forget it. Practically no one has it. And they don't understand what you mean when you ask for it.


You have to be specific. "Oh, like, I should ask for black coffee?" I hear you asking. Foolishly.  No. What we call coffee in Paris is called, "Filtered Coffee." Also, it's called that in England too. And Scotland. And Ireland. So don't go getting all cocky thinking that you'll get off not having to remember that anymore once you get to a predominantly English speaking country.


The second thing you'll have to remember when trying to order filtered coffee in Paris is that NO ONE  will have it. "Oh, I know!" I hear you screaming. Foolishly. "I'll just find my way to a Starbucks! They're BOUND to have normal coffee." (Normal coffee is what you would have undoubtedly started calling it by this point in time.)


And that is a great idea, actually! Why didn't I think of that when I was there? Oh wait, I did. And let me tell you, you will endear yourself to NO ONE when you arrive there and ask them for it. This is because no one will have ordered filtered coffee there in years and most of the employees won't have ever even used the machine that makes it in all the time they've worked there. So by the time they've dragged the filtered coffee machine out of storage and trained themselves on how to use it so that they can waste a whole pot of coffee on just one cup of coffee for you, you'll have a line of angry, frustrated Parisians built up behind you murmuring under their breath about what a dumb, self centered A-hole you are.


So, my recommendation is this: You are in Paris!!! You're a lucky A-hole, aren't you? Let's not muck-up our good fortune by squabbling about the virtues of one coffee or another. Instead, just grab some of Paris's world class espresso and go about seeing all the lovely sights.


And if you really want something like black coffee, just order yourself an Americano because they're basically the same thing. And then order two more because DEAR GOD, IT'S NOT THE SAME THING AT ALL AND I MISS NORMAL COFFEE SO MUCH!!!!